Costas, spokesman for the N.F.L. (Not Fully Loaded)—an association of mentally challenged sportscasters—recently made big headlines as he pronounced in essence that “people do not kill people, inanimate objects do.”
Tragically, recent events across America seem to have proved him right. And Hugh Betcha, Ace Reporter for the Stoos Views Media Conglomerate and winner of the MSNBC award for “The Most Trusted Journalist in America, 2012” followed the story. Researching the crime pages across America, Hugh discovered the following:
UPI reported on December 1, 2012 that in San Francisco a nickel plated .38 Specialrobbed a McDonald’s restaurant of $15.00 then shot up the restaurant while screaming patrons ducked under cover. Escaping into the night, the pistol eluded a police chase and made off with the loot. Police have posted an all points bulletin and have sought the public’s input in an effort to capture the gun but, as one police spokesman stated: “We posted a picture of a .38 pistol on local TV but since they all look alike, we have had little success locating the suspect weapon. “
In a tragic case in Texas on the evening of December 2, 2012, the small town of East Overshoe, Texas was shaken in a series of senseless murders when Irving Senseless and his wife and kids were murdered in their home by a butcher knife. Police had no explanation for the killings but suspect that this was the same knife that is responsible for multiple murders across Texas during the past two weeks. “This is one bad knife,” stated Buck Wheet, spokesperson for the Texas Rangers, who indicated that a state wide dragnet has been cast for the murderous implement. Read the rest of the article here:
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